Rewriting to solid proficiency and beyond

Revision and Refinement Guide Sheet:

Review your work for the following issues.  Underline and label them on your work.  Create corrections in the margins of your on-demand.  You will return your original draft, rubric, and redraft. Your redraft should be remarkably different from your first draft. Your score will be determined as follows:

 

30 points—Original writing score

(18/30 for Novice, 22/30 for Apprentice, 26/30 Proficient, 30/30 Distinguished)  

20 points—Return of original draft and significant changes from the original draft. Changes are highlighted on

second draft.

Total points: 50

 

Indicators of lapses in awareness of audience/purpose/focus

·                    Informal word choice (ain’t, gonna, sorta)

·                    Lack of identification of audience

·                    Addressing audience as though he or she is a peer, when he or she is not

·                    Forgetting to interact with audience (You may ask, you have no doubt considered, imagine this, when was the last time you considered) 

·                    Background situation does not answer “Who?”, “What?”, “Why?”, or “How?”.

·                    Thesis and supports are not clear

 

Indicators of lapses in Idea Development: 

·                    The connection between the support and SMARTIES is not clear

·                    There are not at least two SMARTIES per support

·                    There are not two opposing viewpoints and counterclaims (one can be more developed than the other)

·                    There is an opposing view with no counterclaim  

·                    The prompt has been mis-read or information is incorrectly used

·                    Your supporting ideas are obviously weak and easily argued against

 

Issues with Structure:

·                    Transitions are simple or non-existent

·                    Sentences are simplistic with little variety

·                    No use of colon, semi-colon, ellipses, parentheses or dashes

 

Issues with Language and Conventions

·                    Random capitalization or lack of capitalization at the beginning of new sentences  

·                    Proper nouns are not given capital letters

·                    Little use of commas or periods

·                    Word choice is very simple or informal

 

 

Moving in to Distinguished Territory

·                    Consider where you can elevate your language, multiple times in each paragraph.  In this case, you are looking at an opportunity to use environmental/scientific vocabulary, when appropriate.  Don’t be afraid to use that information.

·                    Parallelism is important—watch out for sentences that have two or more verb phrases, but don’t have the same length or structure. The preview of support should be parallel.

·                   * The semicolon, colon, ellipses, parenthesis and quotation marks are signs of exceptional writing.

·                    * Find places to use two of the following:  antithesis, analogy, quotations, allusions.  These strategies indicate purposeful writing style. 

Bonus Point Opportunity--3rd Nine Weeks

You have three options: 

1) The film Selma features some 29 actual civil rights figures.  Watch the film.  Choose four characters from the film.  Describe, in detail, their roles in the film, then research their actual roles in the civil rights movement.  Post on the blog. 

2) Investigate the history of the Standing Rock protests.  Describe the range of these protests.  Do you think this campaign is a good example of Dr. King's nonviolent direct-action campaign?  Describe how this campaign meets (or doesn't) the criteria of Dr. King's nonviolent direct action campaign.  Focus, as well, on the objective of the campaign which is to create a nonviolent tension. 

3) Watch Mississippi Burning (1988), or Freedom on My Mind (1994) or The Butler (2013).  Identify the key points and characters in the film, as well as what understanding it sheds upon the injustice that sparked the civil rights movement. Compare the film to the actual events that inspired the film. What did you learn from watching the film?  Post on the blog. 

Dr. King Analysis

English II:  Analysis of “Letter from Birmingham Jail.”

10 points

In his “Letter from Birmingham Jail,” Dr. King uses strong rhetorical appeals, or appeals to logic, emotion, and ethics.

 

1)   One page one, identify five details Dr. King provides that make him seem “credible” or trustworthy.

 

 

2)   On page two, Dr. King describes his four steps to the running a non-violent campaign.

What is the first step?  Paraphrase four details from that step.

 

 

3)   What is the second step?  Paraphrase two details from the text for that step.

 

 

 

4)    What is the third step?  Paraphrase two details from the text for that step.

 

 

5)   What is the fourth step?  Paraphrase two details from the text for that step. 

 

6)   On page three, the author identifies ten experiences that the southern African-American population experienced.  Identify four of them.

 

7)   Think about our use of SMARTIES.  Using the passage we have read, use a chart and identify as many of King’s use of these strategies. 

 

 

Part 2

For your section: 

a)    Just versus unjust laws: Page 3, last paragraph , “You express a great deal of anxiety. . ., ” to the end of page 4.

b)    The white moderate:  page 5 (64) “I must make two honest confessions. . . ,” to “quicksand of racial injustice to the solid rock of human dignity.”  

c)     Extremists: page 5, last paragraph “You speak of our activity. . . ,” to page 7 (66), “dire need of creative extremists.” 

1)     Identify examples of the author’s use of persuasive style, check your portion of the text for each of the following, and briefly record an abbreviated example: 

·         Allusion

·         Metaphor

·         Repetition

·         Antithesis (contrast)

 

2)     Consider the author’s use of SMARTIES.  Find two examples, and describe how they are used.

3)     Visit this link: http://writerswrite.co.za/155-words-to-describe-an-authors-tone. Which tone words (3) would match King’s tone in your section of the text? Why? 

4)     How would you describe King’s syntax, or deliberate use of sentence structure?  Does he have complex compound sentences?  Sophisticated use of punctuation?  Describe his overall writing style.