Rewriting to solid proficiency and beyond

Revision and Refinement Guide Sheet:

Review your work for the following issues.  Underline and label them on your work.  Create corrections in the margins of your on-demand.  You will return your original draft, rubric, and redraft. Your redraft should be remarkably different from your first draft. Your score will be determined as follows:

 

30 points—Original writing score

(18/30 for Novice, 22/30 for Apprentice, 26/30 Proficient, 30/30 Distinguished)  

20 points—Return of original draft and significant changes from the original draft. Changes are highlighted on

second draft.

Total points: 50

 

Indicators of lapses in awareness of audience/purpose/focus

·                    Informal word choice (ain’t, gonna, sorta)

·                    Lack of identification of audience

·                    Addressing audience as though he or she is a peer, when he or she is not

·                    Forgetting to interact with audience (You may ask, you have no doubt considered, imagine this, when was the last time you considered) 

·                    Background situation does not answer “Who?”, “What?”, “Why?”, or “How?”.

·                    Thesis and supports are not clear

 

Indicators of lapses in Idea Development: 

·                    The connection between the support and SMARTIES is not clear

·                    There are not at least two SMARTIES per support

·                    There are not two opposing viewpoints and counterclaims (one can be more developed than the other)

·                    There is an opposing view with no counterclaim  

·                    The prompt has been mis-read or information is incorrectly used

·                    Your supporting ideas are obviously weak and easily argued against

 

Issues with Structure:

·                    Transitions are simple or non-existent

·                    Sentences are simplistic with little variety

·                    No use of colon, semi-colon, ellipses, parentheses or dashes

 

Issues with Language and Conventions

·                    Random capitalization or lack of capitalization at the beginning of new sentences  

·                    Proper nouns are not given capital letters

·                    Little use of commas or periods

·                    Word choice is very simple or informal

 

 

Moving in to Distinguished Territory

·                    Consider where you can elevate your language, multiple times in each paragraph.  In this case, you are looking at an opportunity to use environmental/scientific vocabulary, when appropriate.  Don’t be afraid to use that information.

·                    Parallelism is important—watch out for sentences that have two or more verb phrases, but don’t have the same length or structure. The preview of support should be parallel.

·                   * The semicolon, colon, ellipses, parenthesis and quotation marks are signs of exceptional writing.

·                    * Find places to use two of the following:  antithesis, analogy, quotations, allusions.  These strategies indicate purposeful writing style. 

Bonus Point Opportunity--3rd Nine Weeks

You have three options: 

1) The film Selma features some 29 actual civil rights figures.  Watch the film.  Choose four characters from the film.  Describe, in detail, their roles in the film, then research their actual roles in the civil rights movement.  Post on the blog. 

2) Investigate the history of the Standing Rock protests.  Describe the range of these protests.  Do you think this campaign is a good example of Dr. King's nonviolent direct-action campaign?  Describe how this campaign meets (or doesn't) the criteria of Dr. King's nonviolent direct action campaign.  Focus, as well, on the objective of the campaign which is to create a nonviolent tension. 

3) Watch Mississippi Burning (1988), or Freedom on My Mind (1994) or The Butler (2013).  Identify the key points and characters in the film, as well as what understanding it sheds upon the injustice that sparked the civil rights movement. Compare the film to the actual events that inspired the film. What did you learn from watching the film?  Post on the blog. 

Dr. King Analysis

English II:  Analysis of “Letter from Birmingham Jail.”

10 points

In his “Letter from Birmingham Jail,” Dr. King uses strong rhetorical appeals, or appeals to logic, emotion, and ethics.

 

1)   One page one, identify five details Dr. King provides that make him seem “credible” or trustworthy.

 

 

2)   On page two, Dr. King describes his four steps to the running a non-violent campaign.

What is the first step?  Paraphrase four details from that step.

 

 

3)   What is the second step?  Paraphrase two details from the text for that step.

 

 

 

4)    What is the third step?  Paraphrase two details from the text for that step.

 

 

5)   What is the fourth step?  Paraphrase two details from the text for that step. 

 

6)   On page three, the author identifies ten experiences that the southern African-American population experienced.  Identify four of them.

 

7)   Think about our use of SMARTIES.  Using the passage we have read, use a chart and identify as many of King’s use of these strategies. 

 

 

Part 2

For your section: 

a)    Just versus unjust laws: Page 3, last paragraph , “You express a great deal of anxiety. . ., ” to the end of page 4.

b)    The white moderate:  page 5 (64) “I must make two honest confessions. . . ,” to “quicksand of racial injustice to the solid rock of human dignity.”  

c)     Extremists: page 5, last paragraph “You speak of our activity. . . ,” to page 7 (66), “dire need of creative extremists.” 

1)     Identify examples of the author’s use of persuasive style, check your portion of the text for each of the following, and briefly record an abbreviated example: 

·         Allusion

·         Metaphor

·         Repetition

·         Antithesis (contrast)

 

2)     Consider the author’s use of SMARTIES.  Find two examples, and describe how they are used.

3)     Visit this link: http://writerswrite.co.za/155-words-to-describe-an-authors-tone. Which tone words (3) would match King’s tone in your section of the text? Why? 

4)     How would you describe King’s syntax, or deliberate use of sentence structure?  Does he have complex compound sentences?  Sophisticated use of punctuation?  Describe his overall writing style.

 

 

 

Creative Writing

Last project: children's literature.  

While we have ventured into several different writing areas, we have not ventured into children's lit.  Considering the direction of some of our writing, that is no small surprise.  However, for this last project, I'd like you to research the following, sample the texts, and form some ideas you are willing to try for children's literature.  

* Shel Silverstein, Dr. Seuss--what inspired them? 

* Judy Blume--what did she write? How has her work been used throughout the years? 

* Peggy Bacon--how does she capture the culture of her era?  How much does her book, The Ghost of Opalina, sell for on Ebay?  

* Research children's books by celebrity authors--Madonna, TV hosts, etc.  What do they write about?  

* If you were to write a children's book, what need would it serve?  What approach would you use to send that message/address the need? 

Manifesto
30 Points As you refine your manifesto for possible publication, consider the following: 

a) Is your objection/objective clear?  If applicable, are the conditions to which you object clear?
b) Are your values clear?  Are there actual examples of behaviors that might reflect those values? 
c) Is there a clear prescription for how one should live or think according to the objective you have chosen?
d) Poetic elements!  How have you made use of the following?
--arrangement
--figurative language
--symbolism
--other poetic devices

This assignment is particularly challenging, since you are creating a document that should read like a poem.  Feel free to re-examine the samples from yesterday's website, and consider Jessica's sample as well. 

Acrostic Writing

https://www.youngwriters.co.uk/types-acrostic

Creative Writing--Manifesto Material

Today you will begin the draft work for your own manifesto.  You will visit the link below, and work your way through steps 1- 6.  For each step, you should have several items, between 5 and 10.  Also, there are two beautiful samples that I want you to consider, as they make this experiment seem like a far less intimidating feat. 

 

 https://quinncreative.wordpress.com/2013/08/28/write-your-own-manifesto/


Besides the two students samples online, I have another sample from one of your fellow writers.

The Value of You

Endure the painful discrimination. Apply the laws of segregation.

Judge them by their genetics. Don't accept diversity.

And you will have burrowed yourself deep in the ground, abandoning your social senses.

The world will sweep by you, and you will be left in the dust.

 

Embrace the ever-present evolution. Support the minorities.

Love the individual differences.  Marry a different race. Befriend

the handicapped. Ignore the comments. Praise oddities. All men are created

equal. And love is what makes us whole.

 

Don't ask for opinions. Just be yourself. Encourage diversity. Be the moral

shoulder to lean on. Say the best kind of person is all that live. Find

beauty in the defected. Call a disability a beauty mark. Join hands and

be the strength for others to stand. Love everyone as if the day is their last.

Negative words are a short-term fix. Positive words are imprinted within us. Think of their

mother and how she feels about the pain and seclusion of her child.

 

Breathe the air and be as it is: free to touch all and reserved for none. Let no

one coerce you with their values. Take advice and do the opposite

of the expected. Blow their minds and souls with unconditioned emotion.

Respect and uniformity are separate. The sun shines on all of us, no matter who we are.

 

English II ACT I Analysis

English II

A Raisin in the Sun Act I, Scene one

20 points

 

Respond fully.

a)                 What is the significance of the window?

b)                What is the significance of the eggs, from the time Ruth prepares them to the time Walter curses them?

c)                 Compare Ruth’s attitude concerning money to Walter’s attitude in giving Travis a dollar. 

d)                Walter smokes a cigarette before breakfast.  From where does he get the cigarette?  Why is that significant? 

e)                 What impression of Walter should we have? Beneatha uses an allusion in reference to Walter.  (“prophets. . . wilderness. . . swamps”)

What is this an allusion to?  What is Beneatha suggesting by it?

f)                  As soon as we see her, Mama is associated with an object.  What is that object and why is it, and Mama’s association with it, significant?

g)                 The check now has different meaning for different characters.  What does each want to do with it?

h)                Why do we get the backstory concerning Mr. Younger?  What does it help us understand about other characters and the plot?

i)                   Why do Ruth and Mama treat Beneatha as they do?  Is Beneatha truly as childish as they seem to think she is? What other Biblical references does Beneatha make? Why do they offend Mama?

j)                   George Murchison and serve as a foil for Walter.  So far, what contrasts can we draw between Walter and the other men? 

 

Scene ii

a)     Ruth is pregnant.  How can we infer that she is considering terminating her pregnancy? Why do you think the playwright feels that this part of the plot is necessary? 

b)    Asagai speaks of assimilationism.  What is assimilationism?  What are some modern examples of it?

What is the irony of Mama saying, “I don’t think I never met no African before.” 

c)     In this scene, Walter says, “Money is life.”  What do you think he means by this?  How would Asagai react to this statement?  What about George Murchison?

d)    How does the conflict between Walter and Ruth escalate? 

e)     Describe Mama’s reaction to receiving her husband’s life insurance policy.  Why is this a sad moment for her?  What do you predict she will do with the money? 

f)      How are Walter’s definition of being a man and Mama’s definition of being a man different?  How does Mama’s sense of self-worth compare to Walter’s.

g)     Reconsider the poem “Harlem,” found in the first few pages of the text.  Consider the varying descriptions of a dream deferred, or a dream put on hold.  Which of those descriptions seems to be particularly fitted to what has happened in the play so far?

ACT II

Act II, scene i, page 76

        a)    How does this scene provide comic relief?

b)   What is the significance of Beneatha dancing to Nigerian music, and calling the blues music assimilationist music?

c)    Walter and George finally interact, and we see contrasts.  Contrast their attitudes concerning money, manhood, and achievement/privilege. Use a T-chart to do this.

d)   There are a few allusions used.  Research the reference to Uncle Tom. What does it have to do with assimilation? (pg 81)

e)    Research George’s reference to Prometheus, as he describes Walter.  What was George trying to suggest about Walter?  (pg 86)

f)      Why can’t Walter be happy about Mama purchasing the house?  What does the represent to him? 

g)    We see Ruth’s role as the peacekeeper.  How does she do this, and what does it say about her as a human being? 

  Vocabulary: eccentric (80), oppressive (81), shrewd (84) what do these terms mean? Identify synonyms for them.
 

Scene ii:

a)    On pages 97-90 Mama’s attitude toward Beneatha is much different.  How has her attitude changed?  What has caused this? What is the author trying to suggest?

b)   Mama makes a decision to trust Walter (106-108) with his investment.  In his joy, Walter promises Travis the world.  What is Walter’s description of their future?  How realistic is his prediction?  What does this suggest about what Walter truly wants?  Does it reveal his understanding of how to run a business?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bonus Point Opportunities: Deadlines

* Monday 10/31 Veteran's Day Speech--My Responsibility to America

* “Absolutely Murder” – a murder mystery play - on November 1^st and 2^nd at 6:00 in the auditorium.  The cost for admission is $3.00 for students and $5.00 for adults.

* Friday, 11/4 Video--conduct an interview with the ballerina from "Harrison Bergeron."  If she could explain what life was like in this society, what would she say?  What would she say about her reason for joining Harrison on the stage?
*Friday 11/4  Create an artistic representation for one of the themes explored in "Harrison Bergeron."
* Wednesday, 11/9 Decorate my door for Veteran's Day, using a literary and patriotic theme. (Only a few 3 or 4 can do this.)  See me to make arrangements about when this can by done.